Fight Club Parody

Parents complain after students start “fight club”

Donors and parents of students have complained to Evergreen University after some students started a “fight club.” The boxing club is not one of Evergreen’s sponsored clubs, according to university officials.

The club was allegedly founded by a student named Tyler Durden. However, university officials say that there is no student by that name attending the school. This individual is rumored to look like a young Brad Pitt.

“A good-looking kid, by all accounts,” said Cletus McCoy, Vice Regent of Fashion Relations.

University officials first learned of the club’s existence after a large spike in injuries reported at the school medical center.

We spoke to an alleged member of the club. When asked about specifics of the club, the student would only say, “The first rule of fight club is …” and then trailed off into silence.

Donors and parents of students are disturbed by the club’s radical and anti-capitalism teachings. Dr. Adam Davidson, interim president, said that the school does not condone the new club.

“We want our students to go to college, get a job … I don’t know, get married,” Davidson said.

Campus Safety is working to uncover more information by circulating posters that ask, “Do you know about Tyler Durden?”

(This post is a parody of “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahniuk. I do not benefit financially from this work.)
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How to Find (Fictional) Books

Are you having trouble finding a book? Does it sometimes feel like it doesn’t even exist? Then you’re in luck because I’ve compiled a list of fictional books and where to find them.

Ship of Theseus by V.M. Straka

In the final novel by Straka, a man with amnesia is forced onto a ship and embarks on a disorienting and dangerous journey. You might find this book at your local library unless someone checked it out and never returned it.

In the Hall of the Last King by Harold G. Talont

Whoever reads this novel becomes convinced the Hall is a real place and attempt to find it. Things escalate after that. You don’t want to pick this for your book club. I’m not going to tell you how to find it.

An Elegy for the Still-living by Maria Enkidu

This story is both an existential dialogue and a quirky fantasy adventure. Imagine mixing Alice in Wonderland, Stephen King, and Samuel Beckett. It can be found here.

Fear and Wonder by Robert Connor

This western adventure was re-discovered after critics found Eghert Stillman’s glowing review. Don’t bother trying to find it online.

Necronomicon by Abdul Alhazred

This ancient book is a textbook of magic. The only known copy of this grimoire is at the Miskatonic University in New England. Of course, they likely won’t allow you to read it.

You can click here if you want to read more about fictional books.

March A&E: The Prestige, Locke & Key, and more!

This is what I read, watched, and played in March.

Books: The Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes

The novel is about a young woman who is attacked by a time-traveling serial killer. I’m a sucker for time-travel stories.

He clenches the orange plastic pony in the pocket of his sports coat. It is sweaty in his hand. Mid-summer here, too hot for what he’s wearing. But he has learned to put on a uniform for this purpose; jeans in particular. He takes long strides — a man who walks because he’s got somewhere to be, despite his gimpy foot. Harper Curtis is not a moocher. And time waits for no one. Except when it does.

Graphic Novels: Locke & Key by Joe Hill (writer) and Gabriel Rodriguez (illustrator)

First off, Locke & Key was difficult to read because horrible things happen to the main characters. (Most of this happens in the first hardback issue.) Locke & Key is an intriguing horror, fantasy story with likable characters. I am currently reading the fourth volume.

Movies: The Prestige by Christopher Nolan

This is probably my fourth viewing of The Prestige. I love how Nolan manipulates time in his films.

Video Games: Dark Souls 2 by From Software (again!)

I finally finished Dark Souls 2! I put over 98 hours into this dark fantasy. I enjoyed that the game narrative is not disrupted by player death. When you die in Dark Souls, you lose the souls you have collected and must return to where you died to retrieve them. (Souls are used to buy equipment or level-up.) In this way, failure is accepted in the game narrative.

Thanks for reading!

February A&E: Books, Movies, and Video Games

This is what I read, watched, and played in February.

Books: The Bone Clocks by David Mitchell

Stretching over many years and five narrators, The Bone Clocks portrays hidden magic in our world. This is the first David Mitchell novel I’ve read, and I’m excited to read Slade House.

Writing: I’m writing a road-trip adventure about a young man looking for a lost book. Right now I’m at a little over 4,000 words.

TV Shows: I just finished season four of The X-Files. I especially like the episode Musings of a Cigarette Smoking Man.

Movies: I watched Deadpool, and it was everything I wanted from a Deadpool adaptation. Don’t take your kids!

deadpool toy movie

“Does this count as a fourth-wall break?”

Video Games: Mass Effect by BioWare

Mass Effect is a sci-fi roleplaying game. Once I got used to the gameplay, I was absorbed by the story and player choices. You are a human soldier with an eclectic band of companions tasked with saving humanity and the other alien races. Your decisions change the outcome of the game and even carry over into the sequel.

 

What I Read, Watched, and Played in January

Here is some of the entertainment I enjoyed last month.

Books: Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie

It’s a sci-fi adventure. I was very interested in how it dealt with religion and gender.

“She was probably male, to judge from the angular mazelike patterns quilting her shirt. I wasn’t entirely certain. I wouldn’t have mattered, if I had been in Radch space. Radchaai don’t care much about gender, and the language they speak—my own first language—doesn’t mark gender in any way.”

I recommend Ancillary Justice to anyone who enjoys reading sci-fi.

Writing: I’m writing something I’m calling “The Rust Belt.” It’s a road-trip adventure about feeling lost.

TV Shows: I’m finishing the first season of Daredevil.

Video Games: Dark Souls 2 by FromSoftware

Dark Souls 2

For everyone who doesn’t play video games, Dark Souls 2 is infamous for its difficulty. But I believe the greater difficulty is balanced with greater satisfaction. Plus it’s great for making friends, “Oh, you played That Thing too!” Dark Souls 2 is a long game too. It supposedly takes less time to read The Lord of the Rings than beat Dark Souls 2.

Thanks for reading!

Reading More Books by Women

One year ago, I asked my friends to recommend novels written by women. This was prompted when I realized I had read one book by a woman in 2014. I don’t have a simple answer for why I was reading so few novels by women. Maybe that’s a topic for another post.

So I spent 2015 trying to read more books by women. I listened to Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn with my wife. I don’t think listening to audiobooks is cheating, but you can call the reading police if you think so.

I use a nifty website called Goodreads to track what I’m reading and find new books. Most of what I read is genre fiction: fantasy and science fiction. I read 25 books during 2015, and six of them written by women. I’m glad I’ve made progress, but I’m not satisfied.

I wanted to highlight two of the books I really enjoyed:

This year, I’m excited to try Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie and The Queen of Attolia by Megan Whalen Turner. Do you have any recommendations for me? You can follow me on Goodreads if you want to see what I’m reading.

Thanks for reading.

Update on “Runner”

Hello friends and family,

I don’t think I’ll have a finished episode to post this weekend. I haven’t finished the rough draft of Part 8 yet, and I’m not sure when it will be ready. This is the simple truth: You’ll have longer waits between episodes, possibly two weeks instead of one. I’m sorry.

“Runner” is a true serial narrative — most weeks I have to rush to finish the post. I have an ending for the story in mind, but I haven’t written it yet. Thank you so much for your support so far, especially Brenda, Frank, Joyce, and Lizzie.

I promise I’m working on Part 8. Until then, run free.

– Jonathan

A New Story: “Runner”

I’ve been writing a new story for about a month now. It’s called “Runner,” and I want to share the beginning with you.

“Runner” is a story about growing up. Finding meaning in our chaotic world. It’s also a love story.

You can read or download it from the link below. Enjoy!

Runner

Please give me some feedback, I love hearing from you guys.

New Season

Dear friends and followers, my life is changing. I graduated from Cedarville University on May 5, and now I’m entering the workforce.

I started this blog in August 2009, the beginning of my sophomore year. I’ve grown a lot since the beginning. (I can be a little nostalgic, right?)

In the last 8 months, I’ve gotten 18 new blog followers, and I had only 2 before that. I have gotten hits from South Korea, Pakistan, Nigeria, Taiwan, Turkey, and many other countries. My blog has received thousands of spam comments, which I consider a compliment from the Internet gods.

I’ll be posting more fiction than I have in the past. I’m going to keep blogging and writing and sharing. Thanks for reading. I’ve got big plans for the future of this blog, and I hope you stick around. Peace be upon you.

A Different Life

In a different life, I didn’t go to Cedarville University. Instead of choosing Cedarville in 2008, I decided to stay in Columbus and go to Otterbein University. I’m graduating with a degree in Journalism and Media Communication soon.

I’m an intern at the Columbus Dispatch, and I’m hoping they’ll hire me in May.

I don’t write creative nonfiction because I’ve never heard of it. I’m writing a novel, probably about vampires or werewolves or superheroes.

I didn’t work two summers at camp. I never met my girlfriend.

I’m quieter, more reserved.

My decision to attend Cedarville has shaped who I am. One key decision can guide the rest of your life.

Scientists have found that humans replace most of their cells every seven or ten years. So I’m not the same cellular material as I was when I was born.

We are shaped by the people in our lives. When I hear Cedarville, I think about the people. My roommates. My friends. My classmates. I have shared life with these people, and they’re made deep impressions in my thinking.

This begs the questions: Am I the only Jonathan that could have existed (or does exist)?

How do you view time? Is it a straight line, perfect and unbroken? Or is it a branching root system? Are there alternative paths?

Some cultures such as the Mayans believed time is circular, and they sometimes represent this idea with a snake eating its tail (the Ouroboros).

life eats its tail by pheezy, on Flickr
Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License  by  pheezy 

Are we windup soldiers marching in-step to our creator’s drum? Or are we blind men groping about in the darkness? I believe we are neither … we are something more complex, something liquid.

Who would you be if you made a different decision in your life? Please tell your story.